http://www.alaskadigitalimages.com/north/prudhoe.htm
Here's a website of what Jon probably saw when he arrived in Deadhorse today. He is working for Nabor Drilling; his current rig is called 4ES, and they drill for BP (British Petroleum), I believe.
I love you, honey! :-)
February 05, 2010
December 05, 2009
The Christmas lights and Christmas tree went up last weekend, and this week we now have some good old winter weather. It was 23 at the house this morning, and it's 1:30pm right now and there's still frost anywhere the sun hasn't touched. I love this weather!
Ethan finally has a tooth! Yesterday, 12/4/09, was his 9 month birthday; and yesterday his first tooth popped through his gum. He now has a little sliver of RAZOR SHARP baby tooth on his right front side. The left isn't too far behind!!
Jon made cookies for me (us) yesterday...and they turned out AWESOME! Now he's mastered apple pie and chocolate chip cookies. I think he just needs to start cooking all the meals, too! :)
Ethan finally has a tooth! Yesterday, 12/4/09, was his 9 month birthday; and yesterday his first tooth popped through his gum. He now has a little sliver of RAZOR SHARP baby tooth on his right front side. The left isn't too far behind!!
Jon made cookies for me (us) yesterday...and they turned out AWESOME! Now he's mastered apple pie and chocolate chip cookies. I think he just needs to start cooking all the meals, too! :)
November 24, 2009
Just a quick little update on how things are going in the world of Ethan:
He started crawling a few weeks ago and now he hauls little buns all over the house! He's learned how to crawl up and down the stairs into our sunken living room. He regularly has bumps on his forehead due to his adventures!
He's learned to pull himself up onto everything: couches, tables, Mommy's legs while she's cooking...
Just last night, he discovered clapping. It's the cutest thing, because he claps and he cracks himself up, so he does it again! If I can ever get him to do it on camera, I'll have to attach a video to this blog. :)
Thursday will be Ethan's first Thanksgiving. It's hard to believe he's almost 9 months old already. Time flies! And every day he amazes me in new ways.
I am so happy to be his mom. I didn't know that I was capable of feeling more love for someone than what I feel for Jon, but Ethan's opened up a whole new world of unconditional love. I sometimes get all choked up at the end of the day, when he's just taken a bath, has had a bottle, and is smacking his little lips while he drifts off to sleep...just realizing how much I love him. And how beautiful he is. I am so blessed!
Delaney :]
He started crawling a few weeks ago and now he hauls little buns all over the house! He's learned how to crawl up and down the stairs into our sunken living room. He regularly has bumps on his forehead due to his adventures!
He's learned to pull himself up onto everything: couches, tables, Mommy's legs while she's cooking...
Just last night, he discovered clapping. It's the cutest thing, because he claps and he cracks himself up, so he does it again! If I can ever get him to do it on camera, I'll have to attach a video to this blog. :)
Thursday will be Ethan's first Thanksgiving. It's hard to believe he's almost 9 months old already. Time flies! And every day he amazes me in new ways.
I am so happy to be his mom. I didn't know that I was capable of feeling more love for someone than what I feel for Jon, but Ethan's opened up a whole new world of unconditional love. I sometimes get all choked up at the end of the day, when he's just taken a bath, has had a bottle, and is smacking his little lips while he drifts off to sleep...just realizing how much I love him. And how beautiful he is. I am so blessed!
Delaney :]
I got this in an email...and it's so true! I could think of many more to add, but it's too late in the day for me have to start thinking. I love being Ethan's mom. :-)
"42 Things That Change When You Have a Baby"
1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid. [See a reader's perspective in #22, below.]
3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.
4. You respect your body ... finally.
5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.
6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.
8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.
9. Your heart breaks much more easily.
10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.
11. Every day is a surprise.
12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
14. You become a morning person.
15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.
And from our readers...
1. "You discover how much there is to say about one tooth." — Ashley's mom
2. "You finally realize that true joy doesn't come from material wealth." — Anonymous
3. "You now know where the sun comes from." — Charlotte
4. "You'd rather buy a plastic tricycle than those shoes that you've been dying to have." — Sophie's mom
5. "You realize that although sticky, lollipops have magical powers." — Roxanne
6. "You don't mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on Friday night." — Kellye
7. "Silence? What's that?" — Anonymous
8. "You realize that the 15 pounds you can't seem to get rid of are totally worth having." — Brenda
9. "You discover an inner strength you never thought you had." — Ronin and Brookie's mom
10. "You no longer rely on a clock — your baby now sets your schedule." — Thomas' mom
11. "You give parents with a screaming child an 'I-know-the-feeling' look instead of a 'Can't-they-shut-him-up?' one." — Jaidyn's mom
12. "Your dog — who used to be your 'baby' — becomes just a dog." — Kara
[Many readers begged to differ, saying things like, " I disagree with number 12. My dogs are my additional children," "Nothing about previous babies, whether two- or four-legged, changes when a new miracle comes along," "My dog will never be 'just a dog," and "This is sad to me. My dog is still my baby too."]
13. "You take the time for one more hug and kiss even if it means you'll be late." — Tracey
14. "You learn that taking a shower is a luxury." — Jayden's mom
15. "You realize that you can love a complete stranger." — Dezarae's mom
16. You find yourself wanting to make this world a better place. — Arizona
17. If you didn’t believe in love at first sight before, now you do! — Ciara
18. You start to appreciate Sesame Street for its intellectual contribution. — Anon.
19. You have to quit watching the news because you see every story from a mother's perspective and it breaks your heart. — Brooke&Boys
20. You just plain love life more - everything comes together and becomes better because of one tiny person and your love for them. — Anon.
21. You finally find out the real reason you have those breasts. — Anon.
22. In response to #2 [above], I'd say that where you were once afraid, you're now fearless. I was always very timid and shy and let myself get walked all over … but now where my kid's concerned, I'll speak my mind and really connect with my inner "b"! — gummismom
23. The support you get from other people surprises you, because the people giving it are not always the ones you'd expect. — japanese_macaque
24. Nothing is just yours any longer. You share EVERYTHING! — DylanLsMom
25. No matter what you've accomplished in life, you look at your child and think, "I've done a GREAT job!" — Anon.
26. You want to take better care of yourself for your child. — Treasor
27. You can have the most wonderful conversation using only vowel sounds like "ahhh" and "oooo." — littlehulk2008
"42 Things That Change When You Have a Baby"
1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid. [See a reader's perspective in #22, below.]
3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.
4. You respect your body ... finally.
5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.
6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.
8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.
9. Your heart breaks much more easily.
10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.
11. Every day is a surprise.
12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
14. You become a morning person.
15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.
And from our readers...
1. "You discover how much there is to say about one tooth." — Ashley's mom
2. "You finally realize that true joy doesn't come from material wealth." — Anonymous
3. "You now know where the sun comes from." — Charlotte
4. "You'd rather buy a plastic tricycle than those shoes that you've been dying to have." — Sophie's mom
5. "You realize that although sticky, lollipops have magical powers." — Roxanne
6. "You don't mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on Friday night." — Kellye
7. "Silence? What's that?" — Anonymous
8. "You realize that the 15 pounds you can't seem to get rid of are totally worth having." — Brenda
9. "You discover an inner strength you never thought you had." — Ronin and Brookie's mom
10. "You no longer rely on a clock — your baby now sets your schedule." — Thomas' mom
11. "You give parents with a screaming child an 'I-know-the-feeling' look instead of a 'Can't-they-shut-him-up?' one." — Jaidyn's mom
12. "Your dog — who used to be your 'baby' — becomes just a dog." — Kara
[Many readers begged to differ, saying things like, " I disagree with number 12. My dogs are my additional children," "Nothing about previous babies, whether two- or four-legged, changes when a new miracle comes along," "My dog will never be 'just a dog," and "This is sad to me. My dog is still my baby too."]
13. "You take the time for one more hug and kiss even if it means you'll be late." — Tracey
14. "You learn that taking a shower is a luxury." — Jayden's mom
15. "You realize that you can love a complete stranger." — Dezarae's mom
16. You find yourself wanting to make this world a better place. — Arizona
17. If you didn’t believe in love at first sight before, now you do! — Ciara
18. You start to appreciate Sesame Street for its intellectual contribution. — Anon.
19. You have to quit watching the news because you see every story from a mother's perspective and it breaks your heart. — Brooke&Boys
20. You just plain love life more - everything comes together and becomes better because of one tiny person and your love for them. — Anon.
21. You finally find out the real reason you have those breasts. — Anon.
22. In response to #2 [above], I'd say that where you were once afraid, you're now fearless. I was always very timid and shy and let myself get walked all over … but now where my kid's concerned, I'll speak my mind and really connect with my inner "b"! — gummismom
23. The support you get from other people surprises you, because the people giving it are not always the ones you'd expect. — japanese_macaque
24. Nothing is just yours any longer. You share EVERYTHING! — DylanLsMom
25. No matter what you've accomplished in life, you look at your child and think, "I've done a GREAT job!" — Anon.
26. You want to take better care of yourself for your child. — Treasor
27. You can have the most wonderful conversation using only vowel sounds like "ahhh" and "oooo." — littlehulk2008
October 04, 2009
How Many Has It Been?
I'd say it's been way too long since I posted on here. Life with a baby is busy--who knew? Today, October 4, is Ethan's 7 month milestone. That means that my little man is closer to being a year old than he is a newborn. Where did the time go? It seems like I was just pregnant, and yet I have a 20 pound, 28 inch tall son. He's in the 90th percentile for his height. His 12 month Onesies aren't long enough for him! I've discovered that Ethan's definitely NOT a Gerber baby as far as clothes are concerned. They seem to run small; either that, or he's just another giant Heston. I'm not complaining, though, because I'd rather have him be 6'6" and take after his daddy than to take after me and be something like 5'4" when he's an adult. LOL He started eating foods about 2 months ago, and so far the only thing he doesn't like much are fresh bananas. He loves sweet potatoes, peas, pears, peaches, apples, plums, prunes, and squash of all kinds. He also likes rice and barley cereals. I just bought some multi-grain cereal today, so we'll see what he thinks of that. Something tells me he won't really care, as long as I'm feeding him!
On September 12, I convinced the troops to go have professional family pictures done. We went to Sears and did a whole bunch of pictures. I even color-coordinated everyone with orange and brown--my two favorite fall colors. I thought this would be a good time for us to take family photos because Taylor entered her big 1-0 year on June 24, and Ethan was 6 months old. So those were both important dates for them. As for Jon and me, there wasn't anything special for us. But I got to get my family photos done. :)
Jon's work has been steady enough through the economic changes, which is good. He's thinking about changing employers if the opportunity arises. After working for the same company for about 10 years, he would like a change. I would love to see him get something that doesn't require out of town trips all the time, and would enable him to have a set schedule every day. As for me, I am seriously considering going back to school. I'm realizing that my talents and intelligence just aren't being used to their full potential in my job right now. Don't get me wrong--I LOVE the industry and the people I work with. But in my current position (which is basically data entry), I'm not challenged enough. Boredom has set in big time, and it's going to drive me crazy! So I'd like to pursue nursing, and become an LPN. It would require a VERY busy schedule. I would have to attend night classes, since I work full time and don't see them allowing me to cut back hours to do school. But we have to wait financially to see what Jon might be doing in the next month or so. If he gets on a set schedule, it would be a huge relief on both our parts in order to figure out daycare and other day-to-day details.
Let's see...what else? We're in the middle of painting our house. We've gotten all but one new window installed, and we're trying to sell our Honda. That would allow us to pay off my car, and it would be one less bill to worry about. Daycare sure does take a big chunk of money every month! At least Ethan's expenses will get cheaper as he gets older. :)
I think that's about it for now. After all, we don't have a very exciting life. At least Ethan keeps changing...keeps things interesting. Thanks for reading!
On September 12, I convinced the troops to go have professional family pictures done. We went to Sears and did a whole bunch of pictures. I even color-coordinated everyone with orange and brown--my two favorite fall colors. I thought this would be a good time for us to take family photos because Taylor entered her big 1-0 year on June 24, and Ethan was 6 months old. So those were both important dates for them. As for Jon and me, there wasn't anything special for us. But I got to get my family photos done. :)
Jon's work has been steady enough through the economic changes, which is good. He's thinking about changing employers if the opportunity arises. After working for the same company for about 10 years, he would like a change. I would love to see him get something that doesn't require out of town trips all the time, and would enable him to have a set schedule every day. As for me, I am seriously considering going back to school. I'm realizing that my talents and intelligence just aren't being used to their full potential in my job right now. Don't get me wrong--I LOVE the industry and the people I work with. But in my current position (which is basically data entry), I'm not challenged enough. Boredom has set in big time, and it's going to drive me crazy! So I'd like to pursue nursing, and become an LPN. It would require a VERY busy schedule. I would have to attend night classes, since I work full time and don't see them allowing me to cut back hours to do school. But we have to wait financially to see what Jon might be doing in the next month or so. If he gets on a set schedule, it would be a huge relief on both our parts in order to figure out daycare and other day-to-day details.
Let's see...what else? We're in the middle of painting our house. We've gotten all but one new window installed, and we're trying to sell our Honda. That would allow us to pay off my car, and it would be one less bill to worry about. Daycare sure does take a big chunk of money every month! At least Ethan's expenses will get cheaper as he gets older. :)
I think that's about it for now. After all, we don't have a very exciting life. At least Ethan keeps changing...keeps things interesting. Thanks for reading!
July 05, 2009
Food!
Ethan turned 4 months old yesterday, on Independence Day. WARNING: brief tangent--why don't people call it that anymore? It's become the 4th of July. Yeah, we all know what date it is. But why do we celebrate the day? Ok, I'm done with that.
Anyway, Ethan's now 4 months old. He had his latest doctor's appointment on Thursday the 2nd, and he's graduated to the 75th percentile in all categories (height, weight, and head circumference). So...we have a larger-than-average boy! He's already into 6-9 month outfits, depending on the brand. He's really tall. So after the doctor's appointment, and his okay, I decided to have Ethan try some solid foods. I started him about 2 weeks ago on rice cereal, and he pretty much got the hang of eating with a spoon after the first eating session. So yesterday we tried a jar of sweet potatoes. After one bite, he decided he really liked it, and proceeded to eat the whole dang jar! So that went well, and he doesn't seem to have any negative reaction to it. So that's good.
I also had to start introducing Ethan to daycare last week. I think he did better than I did. On the first day, I hadn't even gotten out of the building before I welled up. He was there for only 4 hours. I did better on day two, and so did he. He took a 2-hour nap there! The real challenge comes tomorrow--he'll be there for an 8-hour day. My plan is to at least go visit him on my lunch hour regularly, so he knows his mommy isn't abandoning him. That's my guilty feeling--that someway I'm abandoning my son and he's going to think the daycare workers are the new mommies in his life. I have to go back to work in order to provide him the best life Jon and I can for him, but it's tough. But I have to think about that aspect.
Well, this was short, but tomorrow I officially return to work (UGH), so I need to head to bed. Goodnight, everyone!
Anyway, Ethan's now 4 months old. He had his latest doctor's appointment on Thursday the 2nd, and he's graduated to the 75th percentile in all categories (height, weight, and head circumference). So...we have a larger-than-average boy! He's already into 6-9 month outfits, depending on the brand. He's really tall. So after the doctor's appointment, and his okay, I decided to have Ethan try some solid foods. I started him about 2 weeks ago on rice cereal, and he pretty much got the hang of eating with a spoon after the first eating session. So yesterday we tried a jar of sweet potatoes. After one bite, he decided he really liked it, and proceeded to eat the whole dang jar! So that went well, and he doesn't seem to have any negative reaction to it. So that's good.
I also had to start introducing Ethan to daycare last week. I think he did better than I did. On the first day, I hadn't even gotten out of the building before I welled up. He was there for only 4 hours. I did better on day two, and so did he. He took a 2-hour nap there! The real challenge comes tomorrow--he'll be there for an 8-hour day. My plan is to at least go visit him on my lunch hour regularly, so he knows his mommy isn't abandoning him. That's my guilty feeling--that someway I'm abandoning my son and he's going to think the daycare workers are the new mommies in his life. I have to go back to work in order to provide him the best life Jon and I can for him, but it's tough. But I have to think about that aspect.
Well, this was short, but tomorrow I officially return to work (UGH), so I need to head to bed. Goodnight, everyone!
June 12, 2009
Regrets, I Have a Few
I, unfortunately, cannot take credit for this masterpiece. I read it in my Parents magazine, and it was written by Merrin Dungey. I'd like to hug this woman. These are my exact sentiments most days. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
"Since I had my first child three months ago I've dealt with an endless string of sleepless nights, the relentless cycle of feeding and pumping and changing and comforting, and the slow realization that my life will never be the same again. Now that I've emerged from the fog of being a new mommy, I have a few things I need to say.
I want to start by apologizing my vagina. I just...I just didn't know what was going to happen. I thought it would be easy. All my life I'd been told I have "child-birthing hips." That turned out to be a dirty little lie. I pushed for three hours, and I put you, dear vagina, through hell. I did my best to protect you, and I apologize. I can only hope that the bad feelings between us can be healed. This relationship has gotten really painful, and it's been weeks now. Please let the healing begin.
I'd also like to say I'm sorry to my husband for all my inappropriate name-calling in the delivery room and the resentment I felt because I had to carry our child for nine months and you didn't. I will have sex with you again someday, I promise. Don't hold your breath or anything, but we'll get there. I'll wear attractive lingerie again as well. These grandma underpants aren't forever!
And honey...about my boobs. While I appreciate your attempts to touch them, try to understand that they are not for you at this time. These are working breasts, they are under construction at the moment, and we appreciate your patience. It's funny: I can see a mixture of fear and delight in your eyes at the size of them. And trust me, they are something to fear. I never thought a boob could dwarf the size of my baby's head, but it's true. Little Maisey's bravery in attacking them day after day is impressive. I must apologize to her as well. I had no idea they would operate in a sprinkler fashion, and I have sprayed her in the face many, many times. But the way she fights through it is quite amazing.
I apologize to every woman whose baby shower I attended before I became a mom. All those useless stuffed animals and baby booties I bought...well, I'm sure they might have come in handy at some point, but I should have stuck with the registry and gotten things you really needed.
I also should quickly apologize to my cats for bringing home the "hairless cat that gets all the attention these days." I'm sorry you are no longer permitted to sleep on the bed and that you have felt it necessary to let me know how you feel about things with your poo. Message received.
I apologize once again to my husband, this time for criticizing you about the way you dress our daughter. I know she's my very own personal doll come to life, and I like to play dress-up. But you make such weird choices. Why would you put her in a sweater when it's 85 degrees out? It's the middle of the day--a nightgown, really? It's bedtime, sweetheart, why is she wearing a hat? I recognize that this is not *America's Next Top Model*, but I do ask you to think about what makes sense sometimes. That's all.
I must also apologize to every new mom I ever bumped into before I had a baby for judging your appearance. I mentally criticized your old sweatpants, your oversize t-shirts, and your haphazard ponytails. I figured you just hadn't taken the time to get ready before you went out or were in dire need of a makeover. Now I understand those precious minutes you savor when the baby goes down for a nap--the desperation to make the most of them. I could shower! I could eat! I could sleep! Check my email! Work out! Do laundry! Have sex! (Well, maybe not just yet, but...) I could so so much if she would just sleep a little longer. Then, inevitably, there's that sound through the baby monitor. (Stop. Wait. Listen.) Was it for real?...That was just a sneeze, right?...She's not up, right?...Oh, please, I'm almost done eating, the coffee's finally ready, I thought I could shower. Just five more minutes please. Just...nope. She's up. She's hungry. She's wet. She's something. And once you've got her fed and changed and played with her, you're on the clock to get that errand done before it all unravels again. I get it now: There's absolutely no time for a blowout or blusher. I was a complete jerk, and I'm sorry.
I see how people look at me--with that mixture of pity and disgust--in my old nursing tank covered in spit-up and the same maternity shorts I wear every day. I'm like The Elephant Man. I put my daughter in fancy clothes to compensate for the monster pushing her around. I see the stares. I know you're saying. Well to hell with you, you small-pants-wearing Miley Cyrus fan. I just had a baby. I am not always this fat.
I guess I should also apologize for my anger. But in solidarity with new mothers everywhere, I'm not going to.
But I would definitely like to apologize to my former self. I always thought I had a few more pounds to lose and could look better. I never knew how great I had it. What I wouldn't give to fit into my old clothes again! I look at them longingly day after day. Hi, jeans. Hello, Diane von Furstenburg wrap dress. You were all so good to me. (Sniff.)
I should have slowed down and enjoyed my freedom more when I had the chance. I used to beat myself up if I slept past eight or stayed out too late. I was a fool. A fool. What did I know? Of, to do anything at all at a leisurely pace--shop, eat, read the newspaper--and anything without having to wear a monitor. Waiting. Listening. For her.
While I'm sending regrets I should apologize to my pre-baby boobs for not appreciating them enough. They were a great pair of boobs--bot too big, just enough decolletage. And now...sigh...who knows what will be left of them once I stop nursing? I'm sorry, former boobs, I truly am.
I'll never be sorry about deciding to become a mother, though. There may be no going back to my old body or my old lifestyle, but having Maisey is worth everything I've had to give up and then some. But you already know that."
"Since I had my first child three months ago I've dealt with an endless string of sleepless nights, the relentless cycle of feeding and pumping and changing and comforting, and the slow realization that my life will never be the same again. Now that I've emerged from the fog of being a new mommy, I have a few things I need to say.
I want to start by apologizing my vagina. I just...I just didn't know what was going to happen. I thought it would be easy. All my life I'd been told I have "child-birthing hips." That turned out to be a dirty little lie. I pushed for three hours, and I put you, dear vagina, through hell. I did my best to protect you, and I apologize. I can only hope that the bad feelings between us can be healed. This relationship has gotten really painful, and it's been weeks now. Please let the healing begin.
I'd also like to say I'm sorry to my husband for all my inappropriate name-calling in the delivery room and the resentment I felt because I had to carry our child for nine months and you didn't. I will have sex with you again someday, I promise. Don't hold your breath or anything, but we'll get there. I'll wear attractive lingerie again as well. These grandma underpants aren't forever!
And honey...about my boobs. While I appreciate your attempts to touch them, try to understand that they are not for you at this time. These are working breasts, they are under construction at the moment, and we appreciate your patience. It's funny: I can see a mixture of fear and delight in your eyes at the size of them. And trust me, they are something to fear. I never thought a boob could dwarf the size of my baby's head, but it's true. Little Maisey's bravery in attacking them day after day is impressive. I must apologize to her as well. I had no idea they would operate in a sprinkler fashion, and I have sprayed her in the face many, many times. But the way she fights through it is quite amazing.
I apologize to every woman whose baby shower I attended before I became a mom. All those useless stuffed animals and baby booties I bought...well, I'm sure they might have come in handy at some point, but I should have stuck with the registry and gotten things you really needed.
I also should quickly apologize to my cats for bringing home the "hairless cat that gets all the attention these days." I'm sorry you are no longer permitted to sleep on the bed and that you have felt it necessary to let me know how you feel about things with your poo. Message received.
I apologize once again to my husband, this time for criticizing you about the way you dress our daughter. I know she's my very own personal doll come to life, and I like to play dress-up. But you make such weird choices. Why would you put her in a sweater when it's 85 degrees out? It's the middle of the day--a nightgown, really? It's bedtime, sweetheart, why is she wearing a hat? I recognize that this is not *America's Next Top Model*, but I do ask you to think about what makes sense sometimes. That's all.
I must also apologize to every new mom I ever bumped into before I had a baby for judging your appearance. I mentally criticized your old sweatpants, your oversize t-shirts, and your haphazard ponytails. I figured you just hadn't taken the time to get ready before you went out or were in dire need of a makeover. Now I understand those precious minutes you savor when the baby goes down for a nap--the desperation to make the most of them. I could shower! I could eat! I could sleep! Check my email! Work out! Do laundry! Have sex! (Well, maybe not just yet, but...) I could so so much if she would just sleep a little longer. Then, inevitably, there's that sound through the baby monitor. (Stop. Wait. Listen.) Was it for real?...That was just a sneeze, right?...She's not up, right?...Oh, please, I'm almost done eating, the coffee's finally ready, I thought I could shower. Just five more minutes please. Just...nope. She's up. She's hungry. She's wet. She's something. And once you've got her fed and changed and played with her, you're on the clock to get that errand done before it all unravels again. I get it now: There's absolutely no time for a blowout or blusher. I was a complete jerk, and I'm sorry.
I see how people look at me--with that mixture of pity and disgust--in my old nursing tank covered in spit-up and the same maternity shorts I wear every day. I'm like The Elephant Man. I put my daughter in fancy clothes to compensate for the monster pushing her around. I see the stares. I know you're saying. Well to hell with you, you small-pants-wearing Miley Cyrus fan. I just had a baby. I am not always this fat.
I guess I should also apologize for my anger. But in solidarity with new mothers everywhere, I'm not going to.
But I would definitely like to apologize to my former self. I always thought I had a few more pounds to lose and could look better. I never knew how great I had it. What I wouldn't give to fit into my old clothes again! I look at them longingly day after day. Hi, jeans. Hello, Diane von Furstenburg wrap dress. You were all so good to me. (Sniff.)
I should have slowed down and enjoyed my freedom more when I had the chance. I used to beat myself up if I slept past eight or stayed out too late. I was a fool. A fool. What did I know? Of, to do anything at all at a leisurely pace--shop, eat, read the newspaper--and anything without having to wear a monitor. Waiting. Listening. For her.
While I'm sending regrets I should apologize to my pre-baby boobs for not appreciating them enough. They were a great pair of boobs--bot too big, just enough decolletage. And now...sigh...who knows what will be left of them once I stop nursing? I'm sorry, former boobs, I truly am.
I'll never be sorry about deciding to become a mother, though. There may be no going back to my old body or my old lifestyle, but having Maisey is worth everything I've had to give up and then some. But you already know that."
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